She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
