the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize