Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
