READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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