I wish I could punch you in the face.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
