Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
