o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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