I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
