Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
