I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
