Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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