I want to have your abortion
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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