get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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