so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
