Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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