Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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