I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
