So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize