if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
