dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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