i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
