I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
