and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
