You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
