So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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