im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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