I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
