at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
