ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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