ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
