Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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