He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
