it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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