dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
