..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
