I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
