my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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