oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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