dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
