Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
