How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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