A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
