Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize