he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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