walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
