My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So squirting runs in the family.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
