He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
