I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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