I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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