I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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