you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
