I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drake has all the answers
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
