Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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