guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
