I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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