this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
