im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
