My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want her autograph on my taint
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
