Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
