Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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