Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
