you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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