I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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