The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
