this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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