Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
