dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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