got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I didn't notice because vodka
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
