They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
