I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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