I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
