Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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