My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
