Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
