oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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