walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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