gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
