Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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