Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
